A Cowi way of living- Memoirs of a Geek

Shut up and think?

2011-11-03T11:19:00.004-06:00

It's almost a week ago since I last wrote in my blog but I simply couldn't come up with something interesting to write about. I feel I have a responsability towards my blog readers to make my content readable and fun.
It's better to think about what you wanna write before you actually write it, otherwise it can turn out like this....

"-Hey, today I woke up and went to the bathroom. I almost tripped on my way there because I forgot to lift my feet, but I manage to reach the bathroom and you can never guess what I did in there? I brushed my teeth!! BEFORE I had breakfast!"

That wasn't SO interesting huh......?

I don't know how many times I've heard that I should think before I open my mouth?
A million times and every time someone tells me that, I actually shut up and start to think......

"-If I do shut up and think before I open my mouth I wouldn't be talking to you in the first place, I'm just being polite"

Maybe I should start to do that. Stop being so spontanius and plan my every conversation.
That would be fun because I would just be quiet and think for a long time about what to say and when I finally come up with what to say I wouldn't say it, because I wouldn't know if it was the right thing to say! See that's just confusing for me so I will continue with what I've always done. Talk before I think!

But....that rule doesn't apply to blogwriting. When you write in a blog you have to make sure that you've thought about what you wanna write before you actually write it................

Wanna have a warning example?

Take a look at the post that you've just read.....

The "mystery" bag

2011-10-27T23:26:00.006-06:00

The club next to ours were giving away commercial bags with sex toys tonite.

Everywhere you looked you could see these cute light blue bags. The fun part is that last time it happened approx. 9 months ago everyone went crazy for these bags including me. People always go bananas over free stuff and when it's sex toys on top of that...lol, even worse. Anyway this time wasn't different at all.
As soon as we saw these bags we started to ask around and in the end of our shift one employee after another came out from the club with a light blue bag containing 1 vibrator, I erection ring, 3 condoms, 1 pair of dices (an erotic game) and a pair of loveballs (for a woman's pleasure and u can put them where u like also in the nostrils if they are big enough. I don't know what good that would do but still. The weird part is "Why do we all go crazy when these bags arrive"?
We know what's in them (not really a mystery anymore) and we have the stuff already since last time and we work next to the big sex street and it's full of sex shops where you can buy everything and I mean everythang!! BUT...none of these things matter because AS SOON as we see these light blue bags walking the street we start the competition! "Get a blue bag, one for me ONE FOR ME!" -Hey Boss, can I please go get a sex bag....I'll be back soon...lol
Last time I didn't get a penis ring though. My colleague stole it from me and said I had no use for it lol....but that doesn't matter.

It's a principle!

"You do not steal from my mystery bag with sex toys that I already have and don't really need but still got for FREE" :D

Greedy, greedy, greedy!

Cattlery

2011-10-27T12:16:00.007-06:00

Sometimes a Shiny Silver Spoon meets a fork and not just any fork.
A fork that goes very well with the spoon. A Shiny Silver Fork!

The Fork makes the Spoon happy and even though the Spoon is a bit round the Fork likes it and compliment the Spoon's convex side. The Fork got sharp edges and that excites the Spoon.

This particular Spoon I'm talking about has been in the cattlery box too long and had to lay next to all sorts of cattlery like "knives" that turned out to be all wrong.
Pointy and too uptight, not even sharp.

Then there was this "stirrer" that was all over the place and just made a mess of everything.

The worst times though for the Spoon was all the dirty cattlery and I'm not talking about some unpolished silver here. I mean real dirty like repulsive and filthy cattlery that tried to come close to the spoon and that made the Spoon uncomfortable.

But.....

It wasn't just all bad in that cattlery box.
No, the Spoon actually had some good times with a few butter knives that covered the Spoon in grease once in a while.
The Spoon kept mostly to itself and looked at other spoons and their forks, knives and stirrers and wondered if it one day would have what all the other spoons had!

But all of that was before Shiny Silver Fork......

He gives Shiny Silver Spoon..

............good Forking...............

She gives Shiny Silver Fork..

............good Spooning.............

Ps. Don't say Forking quickly cuz that would make my post dirty and I wanna keep it polished ;)

Best wishes

Shiny Silver Spoon

My second baptism 2008

2011-10-27T11:54:00.002-06:00

-I give all of my power to God and I'm now clueless to everything like a newborn baby..
I thank him for my courage and my strong will. There's actually nothing I can't do when I have him on my side. I shall see today and tomorrow and next week trough open eyes and never question his good will and all the power that he gloryfies! God is my umbrella in a rainy world!

Amen

Valentines day 2009

2011-10-27T11:43:00.006-06:00

Is this day a day of joy or sorrow? Is this day made up for the commercial sector just so they can make extra money from people in love, or is it simply made up because we should'nt forget our loved ones? Well it doesn't matter how we wanna see this day. The fact is that this day is a fork in single womens eyes.

What if you think about that special person you have in your heart but can't talk to him. What Kind of impact does this day have on you then? Should this day make you reflect over things you've done and not done when it comes to showing affection for that person? Should this day make you think about where you went wrong or make you realise that you simply did nothing wrong at all. We just weren't meant to be together

Something pulled us back together again and again but I doubt it was Cupid lol.

Didn't we have any understanding for eachother?

Wasn't there any love?

It's with great sorrow I write this letter but I feel I have too.

I'm trying to use this day as a reflection day so I wont end up in this situation again.

I wanna think about what went wrong and why and how I can prevent it from happening again.

How can I build up my strength from here, without becoming apathetic towards love and how can I move on without missing him too much? By just moving on and Find a new guy to love and care for. That will scare the shit out of me but I will jump and try to fly again.

I wish him the best and hope he's happy. I'm going to be. I loved him for the man he was and his faults and misstakes. Nobody's perfect and neither am I but one thing I know now is that you can choose if this is gonna be a day of joy or sorrow.

I chose sorrow but I'm changing it......to joy.

I loved someone and I will again some day.......when the time is right! :)

Until then.....

I'll be great on my own!

xoxo

Cowi

From 2009

2011-10-27T11:16:00.003-06:00

I've been wondering about dreams. Where do they come from? Why do they exist? Are they neccecary at all? Is not having any dreams a sign of having it all already or simply a realistic way of thinking. My conclusion is that dreams might not be dreams instead they might be goals you want fulfilled in life and you "dream" about them constantly to be reminded of which path to take.

Sometimes when the dreams are big and many it might be hard to focus and you'll get a feeling that you can't have it all! That shouldn't be the case. What you want is what you want and you shouldn't be forced to chose, not by yourself and certainly not by anyone else. Life is short but still long enough to maintain all the ingredients you need to live a happy and fulfilled life. If you only focus on one dream at the time, you'll see that things are starting to happen and a happier life is taking form.

My dreams are not exactly different from others. I grew up in a working family. My parents were married with 4 kids and we had a house, 2 cars and a dog. We were far from rich but we didn't miss anything in particular. I went to a small school in a tiny community where everone knew everyone.

I played with boys and climbed trees and made cars out of wood and scrubbed my knees and discovered my blood time and time again. I was also a little girl with dreams and read books about princes and princesses and white horses. I wanted to find my dreamprince, and become a thief who actually paid for stuff instead of stealing it. Lol.

I thought I was very inventive back then. 25 years later I might have a bit more knowledge and logic but still the same dreams. (Exept I don't wanna be a thief).

Little girls grow up with fairytales about how life look like and they truely believe that they are a tiny little helpless princess in a tower who's waiting to be rescued by a knight in shining armour. (The girls are learning really fast though that it's not how life works so the go out in life and look for the right one instead of sit and wait.), or they screw it alltogether and concentrate on career.

Little boys are growing up learning that there's equality between boys and girls and that girls don't need to be rescued at all. So 20 years later boys are restless and play around with different girls cuz no one needs to be saved and the boys are getting confused.

The girls are still dreaming about that special one who shall come and make their lives complete and while they're waiting theyre playing around with the confused boys.

When a girl find that special one among all the boys, she needs to be very careful. Prince's IRL don't want girls to step forward. They want them to sit quiet in a tower and wait for the prince to take the first step....like fairytales.

It's just that the towers are empty. The princess'es are out having fun with prince's and they dance and fight for eternity cuz both sexes are so confused and messed up because they don't know their places anymore??

What I'm gonna do with my dream?? Haha...I don't know! I'm confused and messed up so I'll probably continue with the dancing and fighting until I die.

With no strings attached or the right one finds me one day and our compatibility is 100%. Who knows?

Blog is up and running again, first post in 2 years!

2011-10-27T10:07:00.000-06:00

I'm not even gonna go into all the stuff that happened since last time I blogged but I will mention the important shit. I guess you could say that I have a new life or at least a different one then before. I've changed location and job. I now live in Hamburg with a friend sharing appartment and bills. It's ok, a bit small though but I am not gonna live in it forever so it's good for now.

What else is new? My job...right! I work as a security supervisor in a club on Reeperbahn/Hamburg. 2 clubs actually but it's the same owner so I only have one boss (pheew) ;)
I love my job even though it's hard sometimes but i guess it's the same thing for everyone.

I'm 32 years old but i feel older and younger than that. (Don't ask) it's complicated.
I'm a woman with hopes and dreams like everyone else I suppose and I live one day at the time.
If there's something I've learned from life it's that the further ahead you look the longer time it takes until you get there, if you ever get there at all!

I'm gonna be honest and a bit open in this blog but i wont share too many of my intimant thoughts. That would just be weird. The reason to why I have a blog is simply because of myself. I need to write, every single day to feel good and get shit out of my system. I'm a complicated person but aren't we all?! This blog is probably gonna be very boring because I have serious problems with getting "naked" and write about juicy stuff. I usually keep all of that to myself so people only know approx. 5% of the real me.

Saturday

2009-06-13T08:16:00.003-06:00

4 am
Yesterday was a great day. Me and my son cleaned out the whole appartment and now I have a whole lot of space. Both in my rooms and my closet. I was'nt able to use my 3 three rooms before. The third room was more of a storage but now I have a bedroom, working room and a dining room. It is sooo nice!! Anyway....this day is kinda stressful.
I'm going to Ystad to my brothers b-day party. Normally I'm working all weekends but today I was able to switch my shift :)
I wont have anymore time to write today. I have to go to the laundry room and get my clothes.
I have a lot of sorting out to do!! Arrgghh I hate clothes!!! Why can't we just walk around naked or something. Ok..that raises a lot of other issues and proplems and besides, it would be too cold. Another better solution would be "NOT BUYING MORE CLOTHES" I have enough already...
Anyway.....this lady is gonna make herself a cup of coffe and getting down to business...
Ps. I LOVE my appartment...I'm glad I did all the work yesterday...It's absolutely lovely!

Inspiration might be on it's way back home..

2009-06-11T13:22:00.002-06:00

Another day has come to an end and I'm beat! My day was wonderful with fun activities!
I've been in the sauna and I bathe in the jacuzzi and just enjoyed life.
I'm too tired to write though and will go tuck myself in now and turn off the light.
Being lazy and play with my son made me in a better mood so I'm gonna start with work again tomorrow and see if I can get things done. I have a few designs in my head and I just need them on paper and I'm ready to go. Maybe it will come to me when I close my eyes.
Nighty night y'all!

Yesterday...

2009-06-11T04:19:00.003-06:00

12.20 am

Hello hey....
I was suppose to blog a little earlier but my computer had it's own way today and I had to update a bunch of shit to make it work. Something with the anti-virus. Really annoying :/
It's thursday and the weather is really bad.
Today it's the first day of my son's summer vacation and we're going to a water palace called Aq-va-kul.
Yesterday was a really nice day. I spent it with my son, mum and niece. We ate thai food and went shopping. Later last night I drove to my great grand mother in another town and paid her a visit. She was very happy to see us and we drank coffee, ate cockies and talked until 11 am.
I have'nt seen her in 3 years. It was really nice.
So yesterday was a very intense day. At 12 pm we were finally home and I carried a really tired 9 year old 4 floors....

Today.....Aq-va-kul :)

I'm up and so is the cock!

2009-06-09T22:25:00.000-06:00

Shit, that sound so hilarious. I just had to say it. I'm used to say that word in different situations.
NOT talking about that in here though!! It's not that kind of blog :O

It's 6.30 pm (The blog clock is still wrong)
I'm sitting with the 2 of my best friends in the morning.
My coffe and my computer. I have a bit of a headache and please don't ask me why cuz
I got plenty of sleep. 7 hours. I went to bed 11 am last night and fell asleep almost immediately.
I'm going to ystad today, my hometown. It's gonna be a nice day with the kids and my family and I'm not gonna think about work or any lack of inspiration or what so ever. Just enjoy the day and the rain :(

Anyway...I use to read a blog before written by a Big brother winner in Sweden. She was/is quite a subject on people's lips and everyone loved/loves to gossip and talk about her and the disappointments and surgerys in her life. This girl got breast inplants, fixed nose, botox and the whole debacle and then we add a little heartbreak and failure into the cake, so yeah.
She's quite a subject as you can understand. People loves to hate her and everything she does because they simply don't have a life on their own.
I haven't read her blog in quite a while (6 months ago to be exact) until today.
I was really suprised and what I read made me very happy.
This girl with so many failures and heartbreaks and insecurity had turned it around. A lot can happen i six months :O
She had met a nice guy and fallen in love and was now pregnant with her third child and the family seemed very happy and she looked happy. Not that kind of fake happiness that you see everywhere. No a real genuine one and it was a really nice mood boost to read it this morning.
I felt a tiny bit of optimism flushing trough my body and once again I felt that feeling.
Life do start after 30.

http://kanal5.se/web/rosing

Gnight

2009-06-09T11:51:00.000-06:00

The time is 7.51pm so that silly blog clock is all wrong! I don't know how to change it :(
Anyway this is my last blogging for tonite. I'm exhausted so I'm gonna take my cute little hiny to bed. My son's school is out tomorrow so we're going to church with his class.
He's real excited that school is over and summer is here! My school is starting during summer though but I'll only be there mondays and tuesdays so it is not so bad. I'm excited too actually.....to start! I've looked forward to it. This education is something I have wanted for a very long time.

Anyway....it's time to sleep...or at least crawl under the covers with a movie and a teddy bear.
I have a cute teddy here on a loan. I lived with a guybefore and when he moved out he left all of his stuffed animals behind. It's actually nice to have them around me when I sleep. It got nothing to do with him though. It's just reminding me of childhood :) Innosence and stuffed animals :)
Stuffed animals are actually better to sleep in with. Both the guy and my son are kicking and hitting in their sleep so imagine the big of a danger I was in lol.
I remember one morning when I woke up earlier then the guy and gave him a kiss on his chest. Before I had the slightest chance to react I received a big slap right in my face!
I screamed ofcourse and I remember he opened his eyes and said!
-"Oh...I'm so sorry, I thought it was a fly"!!

Anyway.......bed....now....movie......teddy bear....gnight!

The geek in me is drying out my source of inspiration

2009-06-09T07:57:00.000-06:00

To regain some inspiration for my upcoming fashionshow,
I have bought myself new sketch pads and I have new pencils as well.
The show is gonna be held in august. I really hope I can get all of my designs ready in time. I kinda hope that these pads are gonna help me.
I'm really tired now as well. I went up 6 am and sure I've been doing some important shit but it's still not enough. I've been moody all day and I'm disappointed in everything I do right now.

I need some fuel to my quiet life. I should do some exiting stuff.
If only I weren't such a geek I would go out and get myself a hot date with a hunky man or do some dangerous sports lol......no but seriously....

I need a date!!
Maybe that's why my inspiration is gone because I don't have enough s.e.x in my life? (Am I even aloud to say that in a blog) It's summer now!!
(well a rainy boring summer) but anyway....it's still summer and during summer a girl should go out and amuse herself and meet exotic men and don't think about tomorrow :)
Hmm....THAT did'nt sound like me.
I'm not even sure if I'm that girl anymore or even was??
She might be in me somewhere?? I'd better find the cool girl and toss the geek out before I get lost in the swamp of old maids lol

Inspiration come to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

A new time has come......I turned 30.

2009-06-09T06:43:00.000-06:00

My age has changed and so has my blog!

From now, it's gonna be written in english.
I have some english speaking friends who can't follow my blog in swedish.
Simple as that.
It will be hard for me sometimes, to find the right words and express myself correctly in a foreign language but I'll do my best!

Also I have new rules set for myself and they are to be followed every single day.
The rules are to not talk about the past. Only the present and the future.
I have nothin to hide. It's just that I have an ability to get stuck in ruts and old thoughts.

"If you're afraid to take the next step, you might be standing on one leg for the rest of your life"

I will also try to write everyday.
I really don't see why people would want to read my blog everyday but appearently I have some people around me who actually do read it, so I'll try to have alot more updates then before. (Now that was a really long sentence lol)
Mark my words,,,,,I said "try"!

Birthday- (girl, maid, hag)